so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
