I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
We were destined to go to rehab together
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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