hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
