i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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