can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
