I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Randomize
