hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
