There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
My day in three words: secret purse cake
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
