i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
