The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
