im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
