lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
