thus making me awesome and them whores
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
