...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Randomize
