life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
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