I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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