Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
