Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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