I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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