i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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