when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
