You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
