So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
