dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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