just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
