If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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