you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
you didnt know i had herpes?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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