Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
