Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
