a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Randomize
