I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
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