Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
