could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
