Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
