if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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