i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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