I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
