obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
