There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
