i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
