No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Randomize
