i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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