Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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