Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
