Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
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You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
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And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up