You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?