Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
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Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
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I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.