allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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