I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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