Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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