I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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