That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
