My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
