discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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