she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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