Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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