"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
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