She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
