I wish i was in the wii world.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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