My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
