you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
