8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
