I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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