You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
