Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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