If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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