I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
