i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
