Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
