i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
