I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
