Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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