If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
