Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
