We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
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